Tobu lethal express strikes again

No need to go all the way to death forest at the bottom of Mount Fuji to kill thyself...Tobu Tojo furnishes the desperate, a faster but messier than hanging ticket to Hell - TJ the Lethal Express!

Sorry desperate folks , the Lethal Express is off on Sundays . Guess you gotta take it easy before the JUMP .

It trampled to pieces some schmuck that acting in accordance with Itabashi Ward rules of engagement, decided not to wait for the railcrossing

bamboo to lift and tried to cross to the other side of the rails.

WHAM!

There goes another one... The very same rail crossing between Kami Itabashi and Tokiwadai. Time : 8:07 pm on Thursday 29th April 2010.

How the Hell do I know all this since my cage isnt that near the rail tracks? Well as it happens I was crossing from where the accident happened on my way to the Ito Yokado supermarket. The sound of the thump and short screams plus the train conductor hitting the brakes told me all. No way anybody could survive that impact. Not even a fat lard like Sumo wrestler.

Itabashians are a hard bunch. As soon as the train stopped the guy nearest to me on a bicycle murmered rather loud : Mada Ka ? ( again?! ). Within minutes, as the since the staves wouldn't lift and the bells never stopped ringing, an old geeser very deliberately ducked under the bamboo and ever so slow without hesitating nor saying a word crossed to the other side. Suddenly others did the same. Bicycles, scooters and more people started to cross the rail tracks. It's as if they knew it would be useless to wait for miracles and the gates to open.

8:22. Finally the fire squad cars and an ambulance passed nearby with sirens at full power. By then my railcrossing was near empty of people except for yours trully and some drunken arse still holding a good sized Sapporo beer can. The cars had gone: they just turned around in good order.

Finally a policeman on his bicycle passed by, took a look at me and the drunk , whispered in his radio and told me to cross the rails cos for a while, no trains were passing. The drunk just sat on the side walk mumbling and the cop got off of his chariot to wait for any other cars to come by and send them to their return point. I continued my short journey to the supermarket just in time to film a panda police car speeding by and in tow with the " meat wagon " meaning the coroner's van.

This simply meant : Another one bit the dust.

Twice a month a person is trampled to bits by the nicknamed Lethal Express that leaves every half hour between 5pm and 8:30 pm from Ikebukuro station towards Saitama ( except Sundays and public holidays ) . That useless murdering piece of crap kills more Itabashians a month than road kills. The ripple effect causes thick congestioning crowds of returning people since it is during rush hour. Tobu won't stop

the lethal express. No way. What is a few road kill twats, killed like the big rat I found decomposing on the same tracks a couple of years ago, compared to a daily dose of a couple of million yen?

NO WAY !!

The Lethal Express WILL go on !!

Is it worth a few lives a month to transport hicks back to their shacks and sleeping towns a few minutes faster ?

Tobu Tojo Line used to haul s$it and piss from Edo to the paddies around the Itabashi , Saitama . Ever wondered why the station masters and staff's uniforms are the color of s$it ? This way the splashing goo from the moving trains stains wouldn't show from afar . Kikkoman Soy Sauce also used the Tobu to haul their sauce into Edo .

Now , the station attendants better change their uniforms to a mixed color of blood and gore .

S%it happens .

It is true that Itabashians are pig headed and hate to wait too long for the rail crossings lights to stop and the bamboo staff to rise. Almost like Osakans. Both are SEKACHI or impatient when dealing with traffic lights and of course rail road crossings but Tobu Tojo line admin and cleaning crews in tandem with the coroner and cops are getting FAST in cleaning the mess. They went from a slow 30 to 50 minutes ( depending where the bits and pieces flew or the number of road kill in one go ) to a mere 22 minutes it took for the meat wagon and fire truck to wash the blood and gore away. Then it is business as usual . The only big fuss was when a rare brave J cop named Miyamoto tried to help some neurotic old twat from jumping in front of a train in that very same Tobu Tojo Line and got killed. The twat was left unscratched with nothing but " who am I , where am I selective amnesia " bout .

Fanfare, school brats, some of them used to flip the bird when ridding two on a bike( futaketsu nori in Japanese ) , to the same cop Miyamoto, an art object was stuck by the koban and even a very low level television soap opera showed at prime time ( J cops as a rule always move in pairs to scared to move alone , I always wondered why Miyamoto's pal never showed neither on the news nor in the terebi drama ) . I imagine if it was a gaijin and a one legged rascal like yours truly, not as much as a comment on how the rail crossing killed about nine disabled people on wheelchairs ( rest assured, not all in the Tobu Tojo Line perimeter ) annually. Disabled are expendable and thus who gives a flying f$&k?

Wonder if according to the Lethal Express pattern the next one getting it will be in two weeks time from today. Could be earlier because after Golden Week people are dazed and tired from all that razmataz while going visiting GiGi and BaBa in the countryside and had to put up with a 50 kms traffic jam or overbooked bullet trains . Thursday April 29th is a national holiday that used to commemorate the old fart Hirohito Showa Emperor's birthday. Another one is gonna bite the dust soon and will go on and on till some big shot relative finally gets tramped to death . Useless to say, between the same Kami Itabashi / Oyama area .

KokoDake No Hanashi .

The Third Man

One of my favorites, if not my favorite .

When I spoke no English at all, I saw it in a movie house in Lisbon. I used to be able to sneak in even though the movie was rated for over 13 years old by the Salazar regime. It made me decide to learn English and the composed music by the Austrian Karas with it's Portuguese Mandolin as main, based on a Portuguese rapsody (sorry - the name escapes me) from the 1920's had a deja vu touch to it. Orson Wells helped it all and I was hooked.

I also used it to scare scum in the 80's because as in EVERY scam there is always an imaginative Third Man in their bullshit sham to give me the TARAIMAWASHI. They hoped I would stay busy looking for that Third Man. I whistled the theme every time some tried to bullshit me with the Third Man crap. Later on played it on my Jaws Harp.

Sakamoto Junji, the director of Goofball and Scarred Angels ( kizu darake no tenshi 傷だらけの天使) cast me in a hard core movie. I was the killer personage and used the same Jaws Harp: he loved it along with my Armani stripe suit so much he wanted to used that sound for every time I appeared in the flick but music rights are strict and he knew Austrians and Europeans would be seeing it, thus he changed the sound. It broke my heart when I heard the news. He was right though as it was a hit in Europe; don't know about in the UK ).

We all have a Third Man inside us, different names but basically it. The Third Man was my lever to freedom out of FERREIRA Village and Clan. It annoyed the Jesuits too. They knew I knew their talk and Christianity was bullshit every time one of them showed his forked tongue. Some even beat me up with the 5 Eyed Mary - A wooden big spoon - BUT I kept on whistling it right after they lied. A sort of Marselleise in front of the Nazis during occupation.

Although I hate Wien (Vienna), I am more of an Innsbruck / Salzburg type, three times I have been there and searched for the Third Man Bar Restaurant I heard Kalas opened with the movie royalties. I was looking forward to getting drunk on melancholy, booze and Chibas but I never found it. I took the train to Budapeste on an impulse out of frustration and got drunk in that wonderful city instead. IF it is still there and I hope it is as Vienna is known for holding to it's antique joints, I would love to go there on my way to Budapeste a city I loved with the women too.

Somehow the DVD and Video tape I had are lost since I moved twice after my leg was chopped, but I will search for one on the net or in shops when my mood lifts .

There you are, I hope I expressed my feelings well enough towards The Third Man master piece.

Mac Smoke Screen

A lot of iPad bashing has started from Japanese living in the States and the public here are even more aware of the typical f#$k ups Mac has been having EVERYTIME they put a new money guzzling product on the market.

I never liked that ugly Ginza building anyway. The listening devices and hidden cameras installed in every nook and corner reminds me too much of American Embassies and CIA operated " Firms " around the Globe. That's why they use old fat gangy farts as " guard men " inside the joint. I'll bet some are wearing old age diapers and their teeth would fall out with fright if I went suddenly in front of them and say BOOO. You can't fart in there without being heard in Silicone Valley KALIPHORNIA.

Still I would forgive Mac for those pecadillos IF they got the Chuo Ward to remove the f#$king smoke spilling public ashtray outside the entrance and had it placed by the f#$king KOBAN around the corner instead. Let the cops do a truly PUBLIC SERVICE instead of ogling the twats passing by and polluting the area with useless noisy announcements from their loud speakers. " An ambulance is coming, everybody stop in their tracks and let it pass by "( as if the f#$king thing didn't revive the f#$king dead with it's siren ).

"Traffic light has turned yellow, time for you pedestrians to stop and wait till it turns green" (that stupid announcement is in Japanese but it must be directed towards shopping bag totting Chinese cos in China, Red light used to mean GO, Green STOP. The Koban should have the decency to say it in Chinese for f#$k's sake!).

Shove the ashtray in front of that KOBAN MAC schmucks and I will respect you the more .

SMAP Engrish!

Not only SMAP SMAP mean sh%t to many gaijin, we now also have to put up with crappy mistakes like the one Katori Shingo, the glutton driven binger, was made to wear last Monday (April 19th) during the one eye Jack Tamori ( Morita Kazuyoshi ) super long Fuji Terebi noon jamboree IITOMO.

Time the SMAPPERS sharpened up their untalented TARENTO brains and got serious about life .

THAT would be a nice " Persent " to all fans . LOL !!

YO !! KUSSOU JAPAN

By the way...

The day I went for the doggie Jumihyo I went to check the Gaijin card pit and sure enough the place was run down and slummy. Notice the bench where a lot of Gaijin have to sit and wait for their documentation to be processed. The tape is all over the bench and the place really smells of desperation and lethargic sleaziness. Meanwhile the Hokenjo and other useless leeching sections have just moved into their brand new building the Ward got for peanuts.

We Gaijin have not only right to a Jumihyo but we also have to put up with that greasy sleaze ball Gaijin Torokusho Ka rat infested space.

YO-KUSSOU Japan " You stink Japan " (The 'yokoso Japan' phrase I just made up )

Itabashi's Jumihyo Dog Crap

Tuesday was my monthly " visiting " day to the Itabashi Ward office, Fire brigade, Police public and traffic safety sections.

It helped that the day was sunny and warm, at least until around 4 PM when it turned ugly and rained cats and dogs until late into the night. I like dogs and some times even cats although since I am extremely territorial I often think of felines as rivals: so long as they don't try to enter my garden perimeter we all fine. Dogs are fun and they, or most of them, are completely infatuated with their owners and both the owner and the dog become one. Anyway, for a long time I meant to go to the ward office and ask about ITABASHI's new sham, the K-9 Juminhyo or Registration Card.

Firstly, I found out the Hokenjo (Department of Pets and Animals) has moved to better and cleaner quarters. A building that for some reason or the other ( I will get to that soon ) has been empty and with signs saying that it was constructed without the necessary permits. Thus for more than 5 years, a brand new building was left empty and unoccupied at a prime location ( Route 17 ) in front of the Kuyakusho and near all of Itabashi's main official centres including Kyuakusho, Police, Fire brigade, and a lot more of useless tax wasting shams like the Green Kaikan and a shystyer NPO/ NGO shyster that feeds on poor illegal gaijin. (In the future I will have a proper rant on the Green Kaikan un-activities and shams ). I always meant to get my arse in the registry office and dig out the records on that brand new building, not the Green Kaikan, but the one where most of the AMAKUDARI * useless lazy bumming fat arsed leeches moved to - HOKENJO included. To my surprise, a sign in the Ward office announced that the leeching league moved to the very same building the Construction, Public Works etc Ministry condemned and declared illegal.

To f$%king convenient. Too pat.

Real estate speculators like Yahata Shoji who I worked for in the late 80's used that very same trick. Finger pointing and a lot of indignation that such a dangerous building was erected blah, blah; make the owners and investors sweat and go bankrupt THEN come in with a load of cash and moribund promissory notes, that are hauled by heavy duty soft spoken prosthetic pinkies. These are the so-called elite yachan and teamed with so and so law office shysters, they simply bought a brand new building for peanuts.

The next thing you knew the building had a pachinko parlor on the ground floor with a yakki niku joint since the Yakkies and the pachinko owners were either of Korean ascendance or ETA / hinnin / untouchable Matsumoto Kaikan " minority " tax evading thugs. That same building sported a few loan shark offices, Botakuri ( rippoff ) Karaoke clubs or Snack bars, Yaribeyas ( poontang or hostesses apartments where the patrons came for sex and kept their concubines stashed ) all leased from the same speculator real estate rental section AND if the area was colorful enough, a soap land ( called turko buro until the turkish government got real pissed and bitched about the name around 15 years ago ). Almost as a rule the building, turned into a money making machine babel tower. It had a debt collecting office ( a sort of SECOM / ALSOK guard men ) on the best floor penthouse AND some even did BAKUCHIN ( Japanese highly illegal Hanafuda gambling where suckers lost Millions of yen per night. The Yakuza used staplers " Hotchkiss " to staple bundles of ten 10,000 yen notes together for easy counting and to run away from occasional rare police raids. The Police " MARUBO " as long as they got their " wiro " or bribes and then the whole affair made sure it didn't result in a media attack massacre by never bugging these gambling sessions. Anything else of these sort of speculator tactics, just you use your imagination and multiply it by 3 and got it all.

My beloved Kuyakusho in tandem with other leeching entities in the Tokyo Government GOT their " illegally built and unsafe building " for peanuts or possibly for free finally. Thus when I came last Tuesday, the tribe was nearly finished with the moving chaos but still not done ( the longer it takes, the more residents tax money gets wasted of course ).

So I went to the new building and tried to get a sample of the K-9 Juminhyo. F$%king bastards wouldn't budge. Unless I had proof I had a dog, I wouldn't get the paper. I told them Yakuza and loan sharks can easily get human Juminhyo to use when they want to bring Korean / Chinese whores illegally into Japan - Itabashi included - but you refuse to give me a f$%king piece of paper so that I can blog and bitch about your useless money wasting scam? Fine, I will blog that and when I meet someone with a Doggie Juminhyo I will ask him / her for a copy and meanwhile, I will use your tiny crappy image pasted in the Ward Office grey website and I will be back with a bunch of questions about the Doggie Juminhyo. The do's, can'ts or won't do's HAVE to be made clear here.

Gaijin can't have a f$cking Juminhyo no mater how long we live here and we get milked out of the taxes we are forced to pay, get thrown to the medical welfare hyenas and are treated like criminals on probation by the same whlefare ministry goons but a f$cking fleabag curl gets a Juminhyo!!!

DENAOSHIMASUZE ~ * ( I'll be back arseholes ).

iPad: uWait

A little bird told me that the iPad release in Japan was postponed for another month.

It was supposed to come out at the end of April but is now postponed untill the end of May.

Official excuse : because is was a " tremendous hit " in the States and Mac ran out of stock so there is not enough iPads to serve this easy to screw third world USA unofficial 51st state Zippangu. Of course The Marianas like Guam or Saipan - the thieves Island as it was called by Da Gama period sailors - already got theirs.

Unofficially, the truth is : To many Japanese turned out to be cautious and smarter.

They didn't buy anymore first generation Macs (especially from the thin crappy mac book days ) cos they know they contain kinks and nooks and that Mac have used customers as unofficial guinea pigs in the past; Third generation onwards are the real McCoy. They let the geeks and retards go for the first generation gizmos. Another truth is that Sofbank got too greedy with iPhone and there were too many pilferers and s%&t happened . Docomo also created XPeria a Japanese style iPhone and it's good too. AU hates Mac and Softbank is trying to out bid all the others for the rights to milk gulible punters with a VERY and extremely expensive monthly fee plan, just like they did at the beginning with iPhone.

So anyway, Japanese punters got smarter and are buying iPad DIRECTLY from the States. It's cheaper and AT& T being the whores they are still give a cheap blow job to iPad customers if they want to use the 3G system not only in Japan but throughout the Globe. Buying an ipad in the States with full plan ( 3,000 yen per month for unlimited usage ) costs half of what the leeches here are planing to take from the ass-hole geeks.

Thus iPad, even though it came through customs almost a month ago, are freezing in wait at Mac's favorite hide out, need to stimulate Japanese Mac geeks by shoving a carrot in front of their snouts and whipping them with " You gotta wait buster cos Yankeeland says so " bulls%&t.

Many smart guys are gonna use their Golden week vacation to fly to the States and get their babes, thus Mac wants to see what the damage is before deciding either to sell for a reasonable price or to just leech maximum price for the first wave of Japanese geeks.

One more thing : yakky IT and other undergroung maggots are already selling iPads on the black market ever so discreetly. For a fair profit BUT at least the Yakkies don't have to pussyfoot around like when dealing with drugs ...

Guess this time MAC was too full of it and got BUTT F$%KED !!!

HeHeHe !!

ZAMAMIRO = yakky for ; YOU GOT PUNKED !!

Another coming fiasco will be Mac 4 for iPhones this Summer and in the Fall for iPad. Just a typical sham from Mac to sell leftovers.

Meanwhile 1 to 1 so called instructors are too f$%king brain-washed. Out of most of the ones I got only 3 were humanoid and spoke Caveman jargon.

Yep !! MAC SUCKS !! So does Windows specially since they are having an open secret affair with MAC.

Ginza MAC can't even get ride of a stinking public ashtray Chuo Ward stuck by the main entrance that spills stinking smoke into the joint now and then. Guess MAC ain't bribing the ward and CHONAIKAI parasites enough. Why should it? Screw the punters and let them have a wiff of pure JT fragrance. I for one will keep on taking pics of that stinking ashtray EVERYTIME I go to that ugly building.

KOKODAKE NO HANASHI !!